Selling My Body, Selling My Heart
by Fire Tears X
Summary: Ellie was heartbroken more than once and is now living on her own. She's poor and depressed and has to make money in her own ways now. By selling her body. JimmyEllie !COMPLETE!
1. Prolouge

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 1:** Prolouge

**Disclaimer:** Oh boy! Do we have to tell the obvious in ALL fanfiction? Fine! I do not own Degrassi! Happy?

**Note:** Guess where I _lived_? In New Orleans. Meaning I am a victim of Hurricane Katrina, so I wrote this in my very spare time and I hope you all won't get mad if I can't update too soon. But I like this story.

* * *

I walked off with the money in my hand. It wasn't a whole lot, but it was enough to pay off the apartment bills. I would've waved good-bye to him, but he was already in his home. I was a bit unfamiliar with my location for a split second, it was my first time at his home anyway. I looked at the money that he gave me and was rather disappointed. I know I could've earned more than 10 for that. I would've tried to make him feel a bit more bigger than he was by moaning out his name at random moments, but I never knew it. 

10 probably wasn't enough to pay off the rent money in the apartments, but it was good enough to feed me. I could try to earn money from Craig once again. I know I might be wrong for using Craig's broken heart as a reason for me to sell my body to him, but I too have been through hard times. The first person I ever had a crush on was someone named Marco, my best friend. At the time, we were hardly strangers, but I let out my feelings to him, and he gave me his. His feelings didn't belong to me though, they belong to my sworn enemy's brother at the time. Paige and me are on okay terms now, but I still feel inferior to her, even before I started selling my body to her ex, Spinner.

Spinner could barely afford half of my effort, but he was desperate and he needs me. The school may hate me along with Spinner once they found out about our secret behind closed doors, but I don't care. I don't have many friends anyway. Alex is too busy drinking and smoking in her tears of sorrow to even care give a living thought about me. Marco's been a mystery since day one. I don't know anything he does anymore, but he surely doesn't have time for me. Craig only speaks to me at our social meetings, but even then, he's too nervous about our night to give me a wave. Ashley is still in London, where I have no way of contacting her without a computer. Last is my mom... Well, it doesn't surprise me that my mom betrayed her promise to me and went ack to heavy drinking, where I left back into the apartment.

Sean is most important to me. He'll never know how much I loved seeing his face. Every morning I woke, there was his face, right in front of mines. I'd always give his cheeks a small pinch, where he'd wake up some mornings. It was kinda awkward the first time I told him I love him. I guess it was because we already sent the message to each other through our actions. It was like I was telling him something new, yet old at the same time. He meant everything to me and he never broke my heart. He was my first love, my first lover, my first real boyfriend. Until one day where Rick bought his gun to school and nearly shot him. Sean turned it around instead, and shot him with the gun. He felt like he needed someone to deal with... But I wasn't who he was looking for. There, without asking me how I felt about it, he left me behind so he could stay with his parents.

Millions of thoughts ran across my mind on the walk home. Though everything stayed on the same topic, my thoughts always changed. I thought about how I slept with Spinner and Craig, and how it meant nothing to me, but every night I spent with Sean just meant we were getting closer to each other. It seemed he was no better than everyone else that paid a few bucks as I cried myself to sleep a few nights ago. The first time I earned money for sex was when I slept with Craig. My intentions sure wasn't to sell my body to him, but I thought of the moment as a romantic night. Then he handed me 50 that night and walked out of the house. I wasn't heartbroken, but relieved. Relieved because I found a cure to my rather unhappy life.

As I finally made it to my apartment building, I couldn't help but notice Jimmy walking down the corner. Though he was on his feet for 2 weeks now, it was still unbelievable how he immediately went back to his basketball career. He always give me a friendly wave as he passed up the building. My heart seemed to stop every time I looked him in the eye. I was a fool to give him up as easily as I did. I was worried about his relationship with Ashley, one she seemed to have forgotten. If I knew she was going to leave him in the dust the way she did, I would've gave our possible relationship a try. But now here I am, left in the pouring rains of sorrow and loneliness. Nothing left but my body that constantly gets used by desperate people, and my broken heart.


	2. Waking Up Without You

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 2: **Waking Up Without You

* * *

I woke up to the crack of the shining sunlight through my broken window. I closed my already shut eyes and lay for a few more minutes before I let out a stretch and a long yawn. I opened my eyes and found myself facing the window at the end of the bed. I turned myself around to see his face. My heart cracked as I viewed the empty side of my bed. Just knowing I can never wake up to his stinking morning breath and his beautiful face, all I could do was cry.

I wiped away my tear and began to lift myself off the bed in deep sorrows. I slowly walked into my bathroom where I bush my stingy teeth everyday. Then I started to think how Sean would tease me with his morning breath whenever he wakes up before me, which was hardly. When I got to my bathroom I realized how different everything looked without him hear, even though nothing changed. Everything just felt different. As I ran the sink water and bushed my teeth and gazed through the rotten mirror in front of me, all I could picture was Sean standing behind me with his pelvis all up on me and him just kissing me on my neck. He'd usually shock me because it was the 1st thing he did every morning, considering how loud this sink is it would always wake him up and he'd get up faster than a 75 year old woman on church mornings.

It's funny how I think about Sean. If I were to tell anyone how I feel they'll probably assume he's dead. What's even funnier about the case is that I never realized how much he meant to me until he left me standing all alone near Jay's car. I never show my strong emotions for him around other people but the second I walk into this home then the fact that he is gone hit my like a sack of bricks and I can't help but to sit on my sofa and cry myself to sleep wishing he was here with me. I can hardly eat my favorite meal without realizing he isn't here enjoying it with me. I don't know what it was about him but I just instantly fell in love once I laid eyes on him.

My heart began to lift as I heard knocking from the front door. No one ever visits this room since Sean left. Only person come is Marco but that's when I invite him on very rare occasions. Preferably, days off from school; where we're both able to catch up with our soap operas. Marco has hardly been here the whole summer because I spent too much time trying to make money, he may even suspect my prostitution. I never let any one I did know where I live so it couldn't be any customers either. I ran toward the door and answered it. To my surprise Craig just stood there looking at me.

"So, uhhh… you ready for school?" Craig let out his mouth as he walked into the living room.

"School isn't for another hour." I let out as I watched him fall onto my couch.

"The early worm gets the book." He said jokingly as he motioned his hands for me to come near him.

I walked toward him slowly, trying to make my walk a little sexy for the only few steps it takes to get to the couch. Craig and I are friends but we seem to have a little romance every now and then. I guess that's a result of Ashley leaving him. I don't really believe that we'll become something more. The dollars he throw at me after I little moments always send me that signal.

"How excited are you for the 1st days of school?" Craig asked me as I sat on his lap, my legs wrapped around his waist and my body facing him.

I fiddled my fingers through his curly black hair and began to stare him in his eyes.

"Was I ever excited for school, especially with you there?" I answered jokingly as I watched his playfully saddening face.

"Wow! That hurts. Now it's time for revenge!" He said in a growling voice as he tackled me down to the sofa and began to kiss me on my neck as I felt his warm hands go up in my shirt.

I let out a moan and lift up his face. I stared in his eyes. I can't really explain the moment with words but I felt warm and comfortable around him. Even though we have a lot of fun together, even when we aren't having sex, I always feel no more than friends with him, even though I can smell the chemistry in the air.

"Kiss me." I whispered in a breaking voice as I moved my lips toward his.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, seriously, before anyone even thinks I was putting a little Ellie and Craig romance in the story. This is still Jellie but this is my way of adding juice to the cup. This romance had nothing to with the Venus episodes and on the 1st chapter you can see I hinted a little romance between them. Anyway, please review. 


	3. The Way You make Me Feel

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 3:** The Way You Make Me Feel

* * *

I looked over my shoulder as I put my bra on watched Craig as he put on his underwear and began to button his shirt. His jeans lied on the chair behind us. I slipped on my black shirt and noticed Craig digging into the pockets of the jeans. He slapped a couple of 20s on the coffee table and sat on the sofa running his fingers through his hair and letting out a sigh.

"So how was it?" He asked with a smile on his face and his hands still behind his head.

I didn't answer. I just walked over to the coffee table and picked the $40 off it.

"Once again Craig, you know how to make me feel like a dummy." I told him as I tucked the money into my bra.

"I thought we talked about this already." Craig told me as he folded his arms and stood in place on the couch.

"I know, Craig. Every time I even give you a hint of a real conversation you keep on telling me about how much you think becoming something will ruin our friendship." I told him as I viewed the time.

"What's wrong with how we are now?" Craig asked still trying to keep an innocent smile on his nervous face.

"Craig! How are we now? I'm not an ass Craig! I'm not your friend. I'm your sex partner!" I started to scream out loud as I held my tears back from my watering eyes.

Craig grew mad and he made a raging fist with his hand. He then punched a picture frame off the coffee table and walked toward the door in heavy stomps.

"You better hurry. We're going to be late." He said trying hard to sound half calm, slamming the door as he walked out.

I started to walk toward the picture frame. I picked up the frame and looked at the broken glass in the frame. Then the tears started to flow again as I looked at the picture and began to cry. My tears fell onto the broken glass that lied on the floor. I threw the frame against the wall and walked outside my house leaving behind the picture of Sean and I in my true happy moments.

As I made it in front of the school building I wiped away my tears, knowing I can't confront anyone with my face still covered in my liquid of sorrows. As I walked into the building and realized that almost everyone stared at me like I was mentally challenge, that's when I began to realize that I actually had sex with a lot of the guys here for money. Some of the guys I did it with passed me by as if they never even knew me. None of them attempted to talk to me. I was a bit relieved actually. I don't know how I would've acted if they all tried to talk to me or if any of my very few friends knew of my love affairs with these guys.

I walked up to me locker and noticed Craig leaning against it, talking to Jimmy as he did. I didn't instantly walk toward the locker because I was waiting to see if Jimmy was going to make any facial reactions to Craig revealing our affairs. He didn't. Instead, it seemed as if Jimmy was doing most of the talking, Craig just stood there laughing. After a couple more minutes of watching them I decided to walk toward the locker.

"Hey, Craig. Hey, Jimmy." I said as gave stood there looking Jimmy in the eye.

"Hey Jim, can you give us a minute." Craig asked giving him the head movement to walk off.

"No. But I can walk off." Jimmy responded as he walked off to the gym.

"So… What do you want?" I asked as I pushed him off softly so I can have excess to my locker.

"Nothing much. I just wanted to apologize." He said as he stood there waiting for a response. Craig grew short of patients and placed his hand on my cheek and forced me to look him in the eye. "Accept?"

"Don't want to give anyone the impression that we're more than friends." I told him as I closed my locker and walked off.

I walked into my 1st period chemistry class and found Jimmy sitting at an empty table on his own, mixing a spoon into an empty glass. I walked toward that table and took my seat next to him.

"Sup El." Jimmy said before I took as seat.

I didn't respond. I didn't even have much time to, the teacher walked in very quickly after I took a seat.

"Hello students. I am Mrs. Armstrong. Wife of most of you all's freshmen teacher Mr. Armstrong. This is chemistry so we will have a lot of projects ahead of us. Majority includes a partner so if you don't have one, get one now." She said standing in front of all students and writing her name on the board.

"Partner?" Jimmy asked as he placed his hand out for a shake.

"Partners." I responded as I shook his hand.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I know there weren't any real hints or conversations toward a relationship but why where the chapter out after the moment you all been waiting for? 


	4. Knowing You More

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 4:** Knowing You More

* * *

Unknowingly, the stress of knowing someone could be revealing my prostitution seemed to help time pass by much faster. Before I realized it, I was walking out of the lunch line with a tray full of nachos and chili cheese. I looked around the room at where I should sit. I really didn't know where to sit, even though I knew majority of the guys in here. I saw Paige and Alex having an important conversation and Marco was nowhere in sight. I saw Craig sitting alone for a change and if it wasn't for what happened earlier this morning I probably would've ate with him. Then again, maybe not, it wasn't until a couple of seconds after spotting Craig lonesome did I see Jimmy motioning me to come sit with him.

"Hi Nash!" Hazel said comforting around Jimmy's arms and trying not to sound too excited.

"Hi." I said lowly, trying not to give any hint of my unknown anger of seeing her with Jimmy.

"Since we're partners and we already have a project, I figured we'll talk about it now." Jimmy said biting into his licorice stick. "That's okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with it."

"Cool, so… What do we do?" He said as he gave his head a round rotation as he usually does when asking stupid questions.

"We have to make a lame poster presentation, an informative 5-page essay on the body and how it works and what does it have to do with chemistry."

"That sucks for you two. Now I think I'm actually happy I don't have a class with you." Hazel said as she playfully poked Jimmy's chest. "You two can discuss that whole… Ordeal, I'm going to catch some air." Hazel then took a walk outside of the school building.

I hardly knew what to say once we were alone. I could say anything I want. Instead, I sat there the entire time watching Jimmy slowly eat his plate and smile at random people who seemed to call his name and wave, or come over and tap him on the shoulder. For the 1st time the entire day, just seconds went by as slow as hours and for a minute I could've sworn I seen the sun fall and rise again. Not wanting to seem akward or unsocial I finally spoke.

"You and Hazel are still pretty tight?" I asked curiously, though I planned to make it sound like a statement. "I mean—"

"Yeah. We are."

"There isn't any emotional tension, even after all these years?"

"Well, I won't lie, but I think I'm upsetting Hazel…" He took a long pause, as if he didn't really mean to let that out.

"You can tell me. The best way is to let it out." I scooped my chair closer to Jimmy so he can tell I was serious.

"I don't…" He let out a sigh. "Did I ever do something wrong? You know, something that pisses off girlfriends."

"Not that I noticed."

"I don't know what the real problem is but she's acting like she under stress. She recently started smoking and—"

"Smoking?" I interrupted quickly and loudly realizing what she probably meant when she said she had to catch some air.

"And drinking!" He said as his voice softened and he placed his head down a bit. "I've been really worrying about her lately. One night…" Jimmy finally took a pause. "No…" He said very low.

"It's okay Jimmy. You can tell me." I said scooting my chair just a little bit closer.

"No…" It almost seemed like his voice was cracking for a couple of moments. He still kept his head down the whole time. "I… I…"

"You don't _have_ to tell me, Jimmy. If you'd rather keep it all on your shoulders right—"

"Yeah." He muttered with his head still faced down to the floor.

I swallowed my spit and slowly consumed the rest if the softened nachos. I never realized just how adorable Jimmy was until he was miserable. I don't know what made him stand out the most at the moment. It was maybe the fact that he was sad. Even though this should've been a bad and weird moment for me, I was happy. I was happy because Jimmy was so close to me and I was getting to know him more. The only thing that would've made this moment even better for me was too look him in his lowered and saddened eyes.


	5. Make an Offer I Can't Refuse

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 5:** Make an Offer I Can't Refuse

Jimmy and I became a little bit closer during the past 3 days. Hanging out with him a little more I realized how routine his relationship is with Hazel. 1st thing in the morning, Jimmy would pick Hazel up in his new car and she'll smoke the entire ride, Jimmy gave a disappointed face everytime. Once they sat in the student parking lot of the school, he would kiss her on her neck and make-out for a couple of minutes until the bell rang or someone come and interrupt their intimate time together. Being with him more I also realized how deep he really is, especially for an athlete.

During chemistry class we would always talk to each other or pass notes, each time we told something we don't normally tell. He never found out about my many sex lives but I found out about his and Hazel's. I also found out that he enjoys art and that his favorite story is Malcolm X's biography. As far as I know he read it 4 times, currently re-reading during his off time. He's a great listener but I never got real deep with him yet. He doesn't know just how upset I am about Sean or anything but if I were to tell him I know he would comfort me in a second's notice.

"Okay class, you all had 3 days to finish off that project. You have 2 more days to finish it, which means I'm expecting it by Friday!" Jimmy and I looked at each other quickly, just realizing that despite all the time we spent together we never started on the project. "No exceptions!"

"Oh my god! Today is Wednesday. How would we finish that project in 2 days? You'll be swept with basketball Thursday." I said as I leaned over to attention. "Please tell me you started with something."

"Do you consider buying a poster as starting on something?"

I let out a angry groan and tapped all my fingers against the desk for the rest of Mrs. Armstrong's lesson. I did notice Jimmy looking over at me for a few minutes but knowing I was going to get over this quickly, he didn't pay much mind.

"Look, you can come over to my place after school. My parents will be gone off across town so we'll have all day. If you want you could…" He took a long pause. I knew he was a bit too nervous to ask me what he wanted to so I decided to finish it for him.

"Sleep? Sleep over?"

"It was just an idea. You don't have to, I'll understand." Suddenly he placed his head toward the ground just as he did during lunch the 1st day of school.

"Sure." I said smiling lightly as he looked up at me.

"Cool." He said nodding his head smiling back at me, trying not to seem to happy, I could tell.

The ending of the day was obviously something I was looking forward to because the time slowed down. It seemed like forever and a day for just lunch to come. During lunch I found Hazel wrapped around Jimmy's arm once again and a few minutes after I sat with them, she kissed him on the cheek and walked out of the school building, just like she does everyday.

"Like clockwork." Jimmy said watching her leave the building.

I let out a light chuckle and ate my food, trying not to make any nasty responses. Much to my surprise Craig came over and sat by us. After he sat with us I realized just how mute we were over the past 3 days. For a minute I hardly recognized him.

"Sup, man?" Craig said sitting next to Jimmy.

"Chillin'. What's been up with you?" Jimmy responded, taking quick notice of my sudden squeezed and disgusted face.

"Hey Ellie." Craig said as innocent as possible. Almost as if nothing happened the other day.

"Hi." I said with a voice that obviously said that I didn't want to be bothered.

"Wanna get together after school, Jims."

"Sorry, I got plans with Ellie."

Craig looked at me quickly. I knew he was suspecting me be having a love affair with Jimmy as well. Especially considering that Jimmy was filthy rich. I looked at Craig with big bug eyes and have my head a couple of small shakes, letting him know it was nothing like that.

"Yeah, we got a project together." I said after signaling Craig.

"That's cool. We got other days. Band practice in a couple of days as a matter of fact."

"Aiight, see ya there."

Jimmy and Craig started talking about small things referring to the band. I hardly listened; I mostly just ate my lunch and looked up at Jimmy a couple of times. I really admired his fresh haircut and his genuine smile. Lunch seemed to be the only period to go by quickly because it was time for class before the bell even rung. School had to end eventually and even though it seemed to be forever I finally made it to the end of school.

Once school was over stood at Jimmy car and waited for him. He didn't take too long at all. He was walking arm and arm with Hazel toward the car. Once they made it to the car Hazel looked at me with a disappointing shocked face.

"Jimmy's riding you home? Don't you live pretty close?" She said. Even though she didn't say it with offense I still felt very offended.

"Jimmy lives close too—"

"Actually..." Jimmy let out a nervous chuckle. "She's coming over to my crib… for a project."

"Okay." Hazel let out calmly. I quickly noticed the shocked look on Jimmy's face. "It's alright, sweety." Hazel said giving Jimmy a soft kiss on the lips and taking a seat on the passenger side.

Jimmy sat in the car and I sat in the back and we were finally going to his home after he dropped Hazel off.

**A/N:** Please review. I need inspiration to continue and reviews help give me spirit to continue stories. So please review.


	6. Happiness Awaits

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 6:** Happiness Awaits

* * *

I sat in the back of the car, looking up at the front of the car at Jimmy and Hazel. Surprisingly, Hazel hasn't lit a cigarette the entire ride. Jimmy looked over a couple of times at her and took one or two peaks in his rearview mirror at me. I was quiet, waiting for someone to start a subject so I can start talking or hear Jimmy's voice. I looked out the window and noticed we were parked in a gas station.

"My car is running low." He said before he got out of the car and went into the building to pre-pay his gas.

Hazel gave me a look through the rearview mirror and forced a smile out with a uncontrollable snort. "You like Jimmy?"

I was too shocked for words that Hazel even spoke to me, let alone ask me that question. I forced a smile similar to hers on my face. "Yeah. He's real cool."

"No, I mean, do you like him like him."

"How am I supposed to answer that question?" I was almost scared.

Hazel turned her body around to look at me. "Honestly."

"Y-Yes." I intended to whisper it but it came out a bit loud. I realized it was the 1st time I actually admitted it.

"Good… He's going to need someone who can love him more than I can." Hazel's voice cracked and in her eyes I can see moisture.

"What? You're leaving Jimmy?" I felt a pump in my heart and noticed Jimmy finally coming outside of the store.

"No. Jimmy left me… When Jimmy got shot." The tears finally began to fall, she turned back to where her face was facing the front.

"I don't—" I could hardly speak, but Hazel broke my sentence anyway.

"I don't expect you to understand." I looked out the window and watched Jimmy pump the gas. He must not hear us because he didn't make any reactions. "I don't make him happy anymore. You do. I'm tired of living a lie in our relationship."

I got nervous every time her mouth opened and closed. I just imaged Jimmy breaking down once he heard Hazel but he didn't hear her. We were quiet after Hazel finished her sentence. Jimmy got into the car as Hazel wiped away her last tear. Why would Hazel tell me this and she knows I'm friends with Jimmy. I couldn't tell Jimmy anything like this. I just couldn't. I looked outside the window as if it were my guidance and noticed we were parked in Hazel's parking lot.

Hazel reached over to Jimmy and gave him a big kiss on the lips. I should've been mad or jealous but it instantly hit me that this kiss could be the last kiss she'll ever give Jimmy. "Bye Honey." Hazel said after the kiss. "See ya, Ellie."

I decided I'm not going to tell Jimmy. They may not be happy but I'm not going to interfere with the last moments they got together. In the end, Jimmy just might be mine. It doesn't have to be today, as long as I know it could be tomorrow. The ride was pretty short once Hazel left. We went to my place so I can get some of my clothes. We were quiet the entire time but kept giving each other eye contact. I was embarrassed to have Jimmy in my house so I had him waiting outside for me. Once I walked out he let out a laugh.

"Wow! Ellie Nash actually took more than 5 minutes to prepare her clothes for a purpose." Jimmy joked.

"Don't flatter yourself; I just went to the bathroom for most of those minutes." I lied; I rushed into my room looking for the perfect outfit. I didn't want anything to scandalous but still attractive. "I'm ready, let's go."

I walked to Jimmy's car and waited for the rest of the day to leave us so it can be nighttime. I looked into the sky and realized I had more minutes left. I was a little disappointed but there was no need to rush. Night or day, Jimmy still had a girlfriend right now. I'll just wait for the break-up and steer away in the meantime. Besides, the later the better, I still have a secret career behind me.

"We're here." Jimmy said driving in front of his home. "Wow!" I said loudly as he turned off the roaring engine. "This place is huge!"

Jimmy didn't show any facial expressions to what I said. He just took my bag of clothes and walked toward the door. He slid the key into the lock and the doors creaked as they opened. I stood behind Jimmy with a dropped jaw. His place was huge and reminded me of a night club. I suddenly closed my jaw and put on a unimpressed face. "Nice place." I said trying not to sound excited.

"I'm going to put your clothes in my room. Come on." He led me into the hallways of his home and took the door to the right.

His room was probably the only part of his house that didn't make me feel like I was in a museum. I felt as if I can actually touch the stuff in his room. I noticed the big computer and the big television in his room instantly.

"Welcome to my room!" Jimmy said, almost as if he was a tourist.

"Impressed, I am, Mr. Jimmy Brooks." I said jokingly as an old English woman. "Now what do we do?"

* * *

**Note:** I am so sorry I took SO long to finish this chapter and then only did it half assed. I promise the next chapter will make up for it though. ;) 


	7. Closer To You, Further from Him

**Title: **Selling My body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 7:** Closer To You, Further From Him

* * *

As I looked around Jimmy's room, I smiled. It finally dawned on me that I was in Jimmy's room. I looked forward at Jimmy who laid down on his bed and flicked the remote.

"Wanna watch TV?" He asked joyously as he flicked through digital channels.

"Are you forgetting the reason I'm staying here?"

"Hmmm….." He said playfully as he glazed at me with puppy dog eyes.

"We're here for our chemistry project, remember?" I said as I threw my bags beside his bed and took a seat on the edge of the soft mattress.

"Ellie, the sun isn't even down yet and you'll rather spend time working on a lame ass project than watching a little TV?"

"Exactly. It all happened with Sean all the time. A _little_ TV turns into a lot of TV and the next thing you know, you're waking up to the morning sun and failing your English class."

It was the 1st time since Sean left that I said his name without breaking a tear. Then I realized, the more time I spent with Jimmy, the less I forget about Sean. Jimmy was becoming my Sean. At 1st, I just wondered in fantasy about how things would've been if I hadn't turn him down, and after every time I said his name, I realized, I seemed to admit my strong feelings for him more and more everyday. Sean was completely gone out of my life. He walked away with a piece of my heart and I'll always remember the pain of that, but now that I have Jimmy, the pain started to fade away. My heart is now covered in bandages and as Jimmy peels them off, I find that the pieces Sean has run off with are still intact after all this time.

I covered my mouth as if I were going to vomit and looked into Jimmy's smiling face through my watering eyes. The only thing I saw before my world was rushed under water was Jimmy's change of face. He was smiling with joy as he looked at me and his face turned to horror a second after I covered my mouth. I ran outside of his room to find a bathroom for me to cry in. I didn't know my way around Jimmy's house. I ran toward the front room, my tears left prints like a bloody footstep. I jumped onto Jimmy's couch, hoping he wouldn't follow. I covered my face in into his sofa and let the tears down through. Even through my ears were covered, I can still hear Jimmy's footsteps coming closer toward me. I dug my face deeper into the sofa as if it were going to prevent him from taking another step.

My heart was throbbing as the footsteps became louder. I dug my face as deep as it can possibly go. My face was in pain now. I know my face was as red as a blood covered cherry and as wet as an ocean but I didn't care. I didn't want Jimmy to see me. I felt his bare hands softly rub against my shoulder but I decided to ignore it. I kept my face buried deep into the sofa and ignored every warm connection he gave against my body. Suddenly, what was complete darkness became light through my shut eyes and I felt my arms wrapped what felt like Jimmy's neck. I opened my eyes and found my head resting against Jimmy's chest. I couldn't see his face at the moment but I know he was wondering just as much as I was how I got into this position. I told myself I wasn't going to let him see me but I still wrapped myself around his arms anyway.

"It's going to be okay." He said, finally speaking after minutes of me sobbing into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, as if he were going to lose me if he let me go. His hands was rested upon my back. "I'm here, Ellie." Jimmy spoke in a scared voice.

I tried to speak. I tried to let out my voice but the only thing that seemed to come out when my mouth opened was loud wailing. I struggled to fight through the strong pain. My heart beat harder by every beat. My chest was in unexplainable pain and I was lost in a feeling of emotional prison, safety, love, hate, pain, and comfort all in one moment. Jimmy gave me every happy moment at the time but Sean kept all the sadness in me.

"Sean broke my heart in so many times!" I finally let out a word. It was a thought but it seemed to come out of my mouth. "I love you, Jimmy…" I looked up at his face.

He almost let out a smile but I know it was my tears that kept him from smiling. I unwrapped my arms from around his neck and wiped away my falling tears with my trembling hands. I placed one on Jimmy's cheek and moved my face closer toward his. I closed my eyes to hold in the rushing tears and pushed my trembling lips toward his. His lips was dry, as compared to my tear soaked lips. They were much calmer than mines as well. I felt Jimmy's lips smoothly kiss me back and after I opened my eyes to see him, I backed away.

"But…" My breathing became so heavy. I could actually see Jimmy trembling as those dreadful words left my mouth. I placed my trembling hand over my soaked eyes and wiped away some more tears. I couldn't stop them for nothing in the world. My heart was crying over my mind. My mouth opened once again and I let the words flood out. "I'm not ready to leave Sean… Not yet."

Jimmy's eyes began to water. I stood up from the couch and ran toward his room. My body collapsed before his bed and I let my tears soak into his pillow. That's why I was crying uncontrollably. Because I know that as soon as Sean's name left my mouth, I was going to break Jimmy's heart, just as Sean has broke mines.

* * *

**A/N:** Wow! To be honest, I thought of this at the top of my head and I am so proud of how it turned out. I'm writing this story and I was even amazed at how emotional I can get with just a couple of letters. Anyway, I want to thank all of everyone who takes time out to review me because those really help me put more effort into my story and become a better writer. I love you all and I hope I can update as soon as possible! I'll also like to thank all past reviewers very much and all the future ones in advance (in other words, review please). 


	8. Stay By My Side

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 8:** Stay By My Side

* * *

The light dimmed through the room and the lack of light caused me to open my eyes after a moment of sleep. How long was I sleeping? I had no idea but now that it was dark outside, I knew I cried myself to sleep for a long time. As I wrapped the bed sheets around me, I realized they weren't mines. I looked around the room and realized I wasn't in my room. Then I remembered that I'm sleeping by Jimmy's house. I was in his bed. His tear soaked bed. The room was empty and gloomy. Every time I blinked I saw the room getting darker. I looked through the window curtains and watched the last glimpse of light slowly leave my sight.

The room was completely dark now. I waved my hand in front of my face and saw nothing. I was now in complete darkness both mentally and physically. One tear rushed out of my eye as from just the mere thought of how I had to hurt Jimmy. How I had to hurt myself. I wondered how things were going to change after this. The tears are dry but the wounds are just as fresh as they were a couple of hours ago. Will Jimmy ignore me? Will everything be the same as it were before?

I finally found courage to get out of the bed after thinking about how things were now. I walked slowly toward the direction of the door, piercing through darkness with my arms outstretched in front of me. I struggled to find a peak of light somewhere in my direction so that it can lead me out to the living room. My hands found the doorknob. I twisted it slowly and walked out into a lighter hallway. I looked across the hallway and saw a small glimpse of blue light in the dark. I walked into that direction.

Once I made my appearance in the living room, I saw that nothing was on except for the television. I looked at the empty couch and saw no one.

"You finally woke up!" I heard from a voice behind me. I turned around and saw Jimmy in the dark kitchen. I noticed smoke in front of him. "Dinner is on its way."

I gave him a small glare. I didn't know whether to smile and go on with an obvious act or ask how Jimmy was feeling after I did what I did. I wanted to speak but it was hard for me, even though the guy I'm falling in love with is standing right in front of me... Smiling.

"You ordered?" I asked, finally letting my voice leave my mouth.

"No. I'm cooking."

"Jimmy Brooks? Cooking?" I forced a playful smile.

"Staying home alone for weeks at a time, I guess some things you have to learn how to do on you're own."

"Good, I need some laundry done tonight." I forced a playful laugh.

"Don't push it, Nash." He replied in laughter.

My eyebrows came together in confusion. I felt comfortable talking to him, even after I broke his heart. At the same time, though, I felt as if it's all an act. I feel that after walking three miles with Jimmy, I was pushed back two. I didn't feel right. Just looking at him made me feel awkward, but only hours ago, I broke his heart and here we are, acting like nothing happened. Even though I felt this way, and even though I think it all can be an act, I'll rather have things like this before I have us not talking to each other at all.

I forced another laugh out of myself. "So? What's on the menu?" I walked closer toward the kitchen.

"Mac & Cheese." Jimmy replied as he watched me walked closer toward his position.

"Wow! I have to make sure I don't over-eat!" I said in a sarcastic tone.

Jimmy didn't bother to force a laugh this time. He just watched me walk closer toward him. I finally made it the light switch. I turned on the lights. The room was a lot more appealing in the light. As I got even closer to Jimmy, I noticed him standing still. I was side by side with him now. I looked him in the face and smiled and then looked into the boiling pot.

"You obviously don't have any cookbooks around here, do you?" I said as a joke, discriminating his cooking.

I looked into Jimmy's face. He stood quiet and still. Once he finally made a movement, he walked toward the living room and laid on the couch. I stood in the smoke and watched him. How foolish was I to think nothing was going to change? I should have known all this time. Nothing could stay the same when you're an asshole. I should have been grateful enough that he still let me sleep here. If someone broke my heart the way I broke Jimmy's, I would've never spoken to him again. Then I thought about Craig. He broke my heart every week over the summer and I still talked to him... Well, not anymore.

"We still have to do the project." I said as I stood in the kitchen and watched the TV from there.

"Done. I did it all while you were sleep." Jimmy said, pushing up his voice so I can hear him from the distance.

"All of it?"

His voice became angrier. "I said I did it!"

Even from the distance, I can hear the deep breath he let out. I looked down and saw the orange macaroni boiling before me. I tested it and it tasted fairly good, especially to say it was made by an athlete.

"Food's ready!" I said as I began to pour the hot food over the glass plates Jimmy had laid out on the mahogany table.

Jimmy looked away from the TV and walked toward the table and took a seat. I sat across from him and spend most of the time staring into his face, like I do during cafeteria lunches. Whenever he bothered to look up at me, I'll smile and finish eating. It was quiet and neither him nor I bothered moving once we finished our plates.

"It was real good Jimmy." I said as I finally got up from my seat and placed my plate into the sink.

He didn't respond. He just stood up and put his plate right on top of mines. "Good night." He said as he walked toward the sofa.

"You're going to sleep? Already?"

"Why not, we have school in the morning anyway."

"I know that... but... It isn't even ten o clock yet." I wish he could've stayed up.

"I don't remember asking you for the time, Ellie." He said as he slouched on the couch. "You can have my bed for tonight."

"That was the first sentence you said all night that didn't hurt me." I said in a low and soft tone as I kept a distance from him.

"Oh, really? Should I tell you something you told me that hurt me today?" Jimmy said before he punched in his pillow and laid his head on it, watching the TV as he fell asleep.

I ran into his room and fell onto his bed. I cried all day, I wasn't going to let this hurt me anymore. I wanted to cry but I didn't. Instead, I laid in his bed, in complete darkness. I was afraid. Afraid to be alone. I felt as if the bed was spinning because I suddenly got lost. I didn't know if I was sleeping vertically or horizontally against his bed. I lost my sense of where the window or the door would be. I was just as much lost in the room as I am in my heart. Who does my heart believe to and why won't it take me there.

I climbed myself out of the bed and outstretched my arms to find the door. I bumped myself into a wall. I followed the path of the wall and felt my hand run against a bumpy surface, It was the window pane. I knew where I was from there so I turned myself around and walked toward the door. As the door opened my eyes adjusted to the little blue light shining across the hall. I ran toward the living room and saw Jimmy sleeping on the couch. I walked toward him and without me speaking a word, he opened his eyes.

"I'm scared Jimmy." I told him without any hesitation."Please come with me. I don't want to be alone."

I slowly reached for Jimmy's hand and he jerked away.

"I'll sleep on the floor..." His voice began to get softer. "But not in the bed."

"Okay." I said as I watched him get up and followed his lead to the room.

He cut on the light so he can lay out a pillow and a sheet for himself. I laid down in the bed. Watching. Trying not to smile. After he finished, he cut off the lights and laid down on his sheets. For some reason, the room didn't appear to be so dark anymore.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, honestly, I didn't want this chapter to be so long. I was trying to hurry up and finish up the first (1st? **hint hint**) sleepover so it wouldn't seem like I'm just turning chapters into fillers (which explains why this chapter is so long). It obviously feels rushed and doesn't have all the deep thoughts and all the emotion that the other chapters have at the end but if I were to deepen every step the story takes, I'm afraid I'll lose some readers. That's why I'm apologizing for this chapter, because in the end, the sleepover will still have to last another chapter because I couldn't do everything I wanted without making this one chapter worth two. Also, please review, I can't say enough how much I appreciate them. Thank you all very much for reviewing! 


	9. I Want You In My Life

**Title: **Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 9:** I Want You In My Life

* * *

I woke up in the middle of my sleep. I didn't know what time it was but it was just as dark as ever. I was hoping the sun would rise up anytime now so me and Jimmy could wake up for school and I'll never have to come here again. I lied in the bed, facing the direction that I thought the window was. I waited for god knows how long. I grew impatient and began to groan after a while. I didn't know what to do.

One part of me wanted to just leave through the middle of the night without Jimmy knowing and the other part of me wanted to talk to Jimmy. My heart was hurting just as bad as his was. Jimmy may not have been my boyfriend but as everyday goes by, I loved him just as much as any girl would love their boyfriend. I'm not trying to justified what I did, but it wasn't a water ride for me either. To break Jimmy's heart, I had to break mines.

In the end, Jimmy still seems to tolerate me and as desperate as that may sound, I'll rather have that then risk it anymore. I could just fall out the bed and land on him or give him by body as a confession, but I'm not. I'll rather spend the rest of my life knowing that me and Jimmy may never be, but in the end, at least he'll accept a friendly wave from me. It was decided, I wasn't going to tell Jimmy anything.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted out loud. My heart disrespected my mind's wishes once again, just as it did when I hugged and kissed Jimmy on the couch. "I'm so sorry, Jimmy!"

"What?" He almost sounded confuse. I bet he did it to pretend it never happened.

"I'm sorry for what I did."

"What are you talking about?" He almost sounded serious when he pretended he didn't know what was going on.

"You don't have to pretend, Jimmy! It wasn't my place to do what I did to you." I can hear him swallow his spit. "But I didn't lie. I didn't lie when I told you I love you and I won't lie if I say it right now."

"Then why are you still in love with someone who you aren't with anymore? Why can't you let him go and move on? Why are you still on his leash?"

"It's easier to say then to be done. Jimmy, I wish that one day I can be with you, but I can't do this if I know that while I'm kissing you, there's still that part of me wishing you were still Sean. Sean broke my heart in many ways. He left me like a stranded dog on a island. I gave him my heart, my love... my body." My voice cracked like a foot on glass. Who was I to talk about giving away someone's body? The silence pierced through my ear like a razor blade. "Speak." I ordered Jimmy in a smooth voice.

I heard some creaking behind me and I felt my body shift as Jimmy's weight pushed on the bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his face in my hair. "I love you, Ellie." He moved his hand from my shoulder and slowly ran it down to my hand, then grasped it tightly. "I'm sorry too. If it takes 10 years for you to get over Sean, I'll rather wait those ten years as friends then knowing that 10 years later I could've been with you but I blew it."

Jimmy heard my sobbing and held on harder. I felt the tears soak into my pillow. I held Jimmy's hand harder. I didn't know how things were going to be but I knew they'll never be the same. I turned to meet Jimmy's face in the darkness. I didn't see him but I knew exactly where he was and what kinda of faces he made.

"Jimmy? Do you think someone can give their body to someone without giving them her heart?"

"No. You can give someone sex without meaning or feeling in it but an act of love always leaves a kiss on your heart."

"Or a scar." I didn't mean to say that out loud. Embarrassed, I turned around quickly as if Jimmy could see my face. I felt some more tears coming from my eyes. I'm going to tell Jimmy my deepest secret. I'm going to tell him that I sold my body to several people over the summer. "Jimmy..." The tears started flowing. "I have something I need to tell you."

Jimmy didn't answer me right away. I figured he knew something bad was going to come out of my mouth and he didn't want to hear anything that'll break his heart again. I grew impatient for a response after waiting for him to say something. I turned around and ran my hand across his face. He was asleep. I bit my lip, knowing it'll be hard to find enough courage to tell him. I knew the only thing gave me courage right now was my tiredness. I gave a deep sigh and kiss him on his still lips. For a second, I could've sworn he kissed me back.

"I love you so much Jimmy." I whispered in his ear before I laid my head on the pillow and fell asleep with my hand covered in his.

* * *

**A/N:** Well, that's all for this chapter. I don't have much to say, even though this chapter isn't all that great for me, I'm still satisfied. I swear I'll try to update the next chapter as quick as possible because I love all the reviewers. I wanted to write this all week long but the schedule wouldn't let me. Anyway, I have to say thanks once again for the reviews and don't forget to review this chapter please(be honest). 


	10. Time Pauses For Love, Not For Life

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 10:** Time Pauses For Love, Not For Life

* * *

The sunlight beamed through my closed eyelids. I opened my eyes and felt a tight grip against my hands. I turned around a found Jimmy asleep in my hair. I smiled. I didn't have Jimmy as a boyfriend but we were definitely more than friends. I placed my entire hand over his ear and stroked my thumb in front his ear. I moved closer to him and gave him a kiss. This time, I was certain he kissed me back. His eyes opened and he smiled back at me.

"Eww, morning breath!" I joked as I got myself out of the bed.

"You stole the words out of my mouth." Jimmy said, joking back.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You tell me. You're the one kissing people so early in the morning."

I was so red in the face. I know he was joking but it was so funny I could almost cry of sadness. I held in a screaming squeal and walked over to my bag and pulled out my toothbrush.

"Jimmy. Through all the soap opera going on yesterday, you forgot to show me where your bathroom is in this mansion."

"Right... It's right here." He pointed to a door in his room. I could've sworn it lead to a closet, but it didn't.

I walked over to the bathroom and left the door open. I looked in the mirror as I brushed my teeth and I started thinking. Jimmy and I are just as good as boyfriend and girlfriend now. We aren't having an affair but we do feel love for each other. It's a hard feeling to describe. I know how Jimmy feels about me and he knows how I feel about him. He has Hazel and I have Sean... Or _had_.

Craig and I were the same in the summer, only difference was, we were _just_ friends. I always wanted for us to be more than friends but Craig just wanted to use me for his sex toy. He always kissed me like we were in love, and held me like we were in love, but he never treated me like it. Sean is holding me back from being Jimmy's lover. Not Hazel and not Craig. When I wanted Craig, I was willing to wipe Sean out of my life for him, but when I found true love with Jimmy, it's different. I knew if I was with Craig, I'll have a lover and a friend, but we weren't in love. Craig was the only person at the time who'll give me two minutes of his time after he's through with me. Craig was the only person I had in my life that seemed to be an associate if not a friend. So why was I willing?

Why am I doing this? I'm happy with the way things are right now. At least, as happy as I could be in this position. I can't believe I did this to myself. I was so wrapped up in last I began to forget that I was a whore. I'm happy when I'm with Jimmy but how long can this last. I'm not going to move in with my drunk mother and I'm not going to be able to maintain student welfare under my pitiful grades. My only source of money is to sell my body. It sounds so much easier to say it then it is to do it. Letting someone who's name you don't even know take advantage of you. Being in risk of dozens of deadly diseases, even with condoms. Being in risk of pregnancy.

I washed the toothpaste out of my mouth and looked at my saddened face in the mirror. I took a handful of water and splashed it in my face. I couldn't tell if I was crying but it felt like it. My heart was pounding. I felt my breathing getting harder. My knees weakened and I stumbled as i stood in place. I placed my hand on my forehead and all I could remember was seeing Jimmy change his clothes before I collapsed.

I was sitting on the floor. Weak. I knew Jimmy was going to come run into the bathroom any minute. I reached my hand as far as i knew it could go and I shut the door and locked it. I made it over to the toilet and I sat on it. I placed my face in my hands. I wasn't going to cry this time. I held my tears in and began to mumble lowly to myself.

"I don't know what to do. What to do?"

The door knob started shaking. Jimmy started knocking on the door.

"Ellie? What's going on in there?"

The knocking became louder and harder as I began to mumble louder.

"Ellie! Open up the door!"

I didn't want Jimmy to see me panicking. I was like this because I didn't want to lose him. Life can never pause for someone and sooner or later, it's going to be a week or later from this moment and Jimmy will hate me. Jimmy will know the secret and he'll hate me.

"Ellie!" He screamed as he began knocking even harder.

I opened the door and saw Jimmy standing in front of me with a concerned face and a raised fist. He took a deep breath as if he was going to speak and just stopped himself. I embraced him with my arms around his arms and snuggled my face into his shirt.

"I don't want to lose you Jimmy. I don't know what the future holds for us but I don't want to spend my entire knowing I didn't do it when I had you. I can't pause life and think about what I want all the time. I have you in my life right now and I want to take advantage." I looked up at his confused face.

"What are you saying, Ellie?"

I stood up on my tip-toes and gave him a soft peck on his lips. I put my hands on his belt and unbuckled it, and then I took off my shirt. Jimmy looked at me like I was a helpless child. He looked almost sad to see me. I grabbed his hands and lead them to my back, placing them on my bra strap. I was pelvis against pelvis with Jimmy. He reached in for a kiss when I looked up at him and began to loosen the bra. I let the bra fall to the floor before I walked onto the bed. I could hear his breathing from the distance.

"Ellie..." He said as he crawled down onto the bed and looked me face to face as his body pressure started to lay me down on the bed. He placed his hand on my face and kissed me.

* * *

**A/N:** Not much to say. I'm really glad with how things turned out this chapter. Thank you all for all the special reviews and I promise I'll try to update as quick as I did this one. Thank you all for the reviews once again! 


	11. A Body Only Settles When a Heart Does

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 11:** A Body Only Settles When A Heart Does

* * *

He was pressed against my bare body. I felt his cold hands run down my thighs and find an entrance into my pantie line. My arms was wrapped around him like a helpless baby falling from a cliff. My heart was pounding even harder than it was when I cried last night. I could feel Jimmy's panting through my ears. He kissed my neck softly. My skin itched but it didn't need a scratch. I felt so comfortable it was uncomfortable. I never felt this way about sleeping with someone since I lived with Sean.

I didn't want to do this but my body wouldn't let me. I couldn't convince myself with enough horrible reasons not to let the love of my life make love with me. I am a horrible person. I'm lonely in a house that my ex-boyfriend left me in. I have a drunk mother that I refuse to live with and a father that I forgot everything about except his voice that I hear once every two months. I am no longer Ellie Nash. I am a prostitute in love. I don't deserve this feeling. I don't deserve anything or anyone. I am telling myself all this and as Jimmy is nibbling on my ear, I can't even find enough strength to push him off.

"Ellie... I..." His body arise off me and I stood there looking at him buckle his belt back up. "I can't... Ellie."

I didn't know whether to be relieved or heartbroken. It was an even feeling for me. I felt as if a great weight was lifted from my soul but at the same time, I am still missing that part of me that wishes I was with Jimmy.

"Why?" I asked sounding like a desperate whore.

He took a deep breath. "You're a wonderful person Ellie. After all that happened between us this day, there's no doubt that I love you..."

"And?"

"There's no way to sugar-coat this but... I don't want to be your sex partner, Ellie. I want to be your lover. And not your Sean replacement. I want to be your Jimmy. I don't want us to start at where it's going to end. If we have sex, what's going to happen once we go to school? You're going to pretend all this never happened and use me every now and then for your ex-boyfriend?" Jimmy's voice sounded angry.

"Sean and I are over." I wasn't going to cry I told myself. I felt like crying thinking about all this again but I didn't want to. "And you wait until I'm naked to tell me this shit!" My voice rose as I searched the room for my bra.

"I didn't plan for this to happen Ellie! It was hard for me to turn away from this too."

My clothes were back on and I walked around the room nervously. It was early in the morning and I did nothing but cried the entire time I was here. I couldn't afford to cry anymore. I am sick of it. I sat next to Jimmy on the bed and held his hand.

"Sean and I are over, Jimmy!" I said sounding desperate again.

"Are you over Sean?"

I felt a tear escape my eye like a inmate in prison. It tried to make a clean run against my cheek but I wiped it halfway.

"After school, Jimmy. After school, I'm going to Wasaga Beach for closure between me and him. I don't know where we'll be after I do this but if it'll keep us closer then I'll do it. Okay?" I continued to caress his hand and felt him squeeze it tighter.

He stood up from the bed and motioned his head toward the door. "Come on. School is almost starting and I gotta pick up Hazel."

I picked up my bag and the school project and walked outside with it, where Jimmy was already in the car and waiting. I threw all the stuff I was holding into the back of the car and sat in the passenger's seat. I looked at Jimmy as he backed out of the driveway and smiled.

"So, you and Hazel?"

"We were over before all this. Hazel and I are just holding the little we got left for the crowd. It's not official but we both know that the second we find someone else then we're calling it off. Like a celebrity couple." Jimmy then looked at me and smiled.

Before I could think too much about anything, we found that we were right in front of Hazel's door. I jumped into the back of the car so Hazel could get the front seat and continue her act with Jimmy.

"Hey baby!" She said joyful while she pecked him on the cheek and he drove out the driveway. "Hey Ellie!" She said after she turned around and noticed me in the back. "Finished the project?" She asked as she looked back at Jimmy.

"Yeah. It took us all night! Right, Ellie?" He asked in a innocent voice as he looked at me through the rear view mirror.

"Yeah... Right!"

I guess that even though Jimmy and Hazel don't really date anymore, they still act like they do in person because they still feel some affection toward each other. I didn't expect Jimmy to give Hazel the play-by-play of last night but they really don't act any different then they did when they were dating. They had all this drama in their relationship for the longest but never showed the audience a hint of it, neither did they show themselves.

* * *

**A/N:** I am so sorry it took so long to update this story even though I said I'll try as soon as possible but that is a real challenge when you have such a tight schedule with school tutotials and healthy eating schedules.Anywayz, I like the outocme of this chapter and even though I been announced the ending of the sleepover, this is the official ending (for real this time, obviously)! I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and I looked up my status for this story and this is my most popular story of all, and most reviewed! I am so grateful for this and I have yet to read one insulting. Thank you so much!


	12. Back To Reality

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 12:** Back To Reality

* * *

It wasn't until I realized while I walked around the school that despite the constant crying and tears I wasted under Jimmy's roof, life with him was like a fairy tale. It wasn't the happiest of them all but it's better than walking up and down the school and having guys ask you to have sex with them and taunt you with a handful of money. I seen it all but once they get what they want, it always seem like the money stack wasn't as high as I remembered.

"Hey, Ellie." The voice called me from down the hallway. I turned around and saw Craig walking in my direction. "Feels like I haven't talked to you in forever."

"Then forever isn't long enough." I walked right past him, trying not to make eye contact.

He grabbed my arm and held it tightly. "Ellie... I..."

I jerked my arm away from him and look him in the eyes. He looked really sad and desperate, like a drug addict in the process of quiting. I never seen him look so down, and this is including his mood after Ashley left him to go to London. Looking in his eyes, I felt real sorry for him but I knew this was just him after he quit me. Quiting me means to quit making me feel like a fool and I was tired of looking like one.

"The only thing you wanted from me was a friendship. Now you're really starting to push just that." I tried to turn away but to turn away from looking at Craig in this way is like looking away from the murder in a horror flick.

"I need you. I love you..."

"I'm tired of being you're toy, Craig! You never needed me before. Now that you can't have me I'm supposed to actually mean something to you?" I tried not to raise my voice but a number of people couldn't help but realize that I was arguing with him.

"I don't know what to say..."

"When you see me say, "Hey", say "Bye". That's all I expect from you now. That's all I _want_ from you."

After delivering the final line, I found enough courage to turn around on Craig. I don't know how I left him but I know it wasn't decent face. It was hard to turn back on Craig and I tell myself it's because of the way he appeared but I knew deep down inside that even though Craig treated me like the bottom of his shoe, I still fell affectionate toward him. It hurt me to say all that, but last night strengthened me.

I finally broke it off with Craig and now I am going to break it off with Sean. I wonder how he feels toward this. I bet he doesn't even need any closure in our relationship. He left me when he knew I had no one else in my life. He didn't even bother to call me after he left. You'd think someone that broke a girl's heart could as least check to see if she's still living. I'll be expecting my dad's return home before I expect the phone to ring with Sean's ear and mouth on the other end.

Life was hard for me my entire life and the only time it didn't feel like a rock on ice was when I was with Sean. School was as much of a bitch as always but to come home to Sean just made all the work worthwhile. The more I think about it, it doesn't make sense to do this. Seeing Sean won't take away all the pain he caused me and it won't take away all the happiness he gave me. It won't make me happy, might even make me sad. The main reason I am visiting Sean is for Jimmy. The guy who I love. The reason I feel alive right now.

School felt like it was never going to end. Ever class I sat in and took time to think felt like another 30 chapter novel I was writing in my head. I only thought of the same thing all the time but in different ways. School did eventually end but it took a long time. Once school was over, I looked around for Jimmy in front of the school. I noticed Hazel sitting in front of the building first. I took a seat next to her.

"Hey Hazel."

"Hey Ellie."

I asked myself why I sat next to her. It felt kinda awkward standing next to Jimmy's future ex-girlfriend, especially after everything the both of them told me. It was like I'm standing next to the girl who knows I am in love with her boyfriend and don't give a damn.

"So... You and Jimmy...?'" Hazel gave me a weird look in my eye while she began asking me.

"Did we...? No!" I couldn't be talking to his girlfriend about this.

"Why not?"

"Hmm... Maybe because he's practically married!"

We both laughed while we looked at each other. Hazel never gave real genuine smiles like this in a long time. It made me wonder how real her smile was. Behind the glimmer of her smile and the waving of her hair could be a broken heart. Just like I walk through school with a straight face, it should be the same for Hazel.

"Do you still love him?" I looked around for him again, actually hoping he wouldn't show up right now.

Hazel looked around and smiled. "Yeah. Why not? You of all people should know that there's a lot of thing to love about him. He's sweet, kind, faithful, handsome... There's no reason in the world to dislike him."

I sighed. "Then why aren't you _in_ love with him."

"I'm not anymore, anyway. I guess it's like a elementary school friendship. You just grow out of each other. It's stressful admitting you don't love someone who really did love a lot. It's as hard as a break-up." Hazel's voice began to soften.

"Is that why you started smoking?"

"Ellie!" Jimmy came running from inside the school building. "Ready for Wasaga Beach?"

"Road trip? I'm game!" Hazel said, inviting herself. She must've figured that after a conversation like this, she could've easily came along. Which was true.

"Cool, you're coming too?" Jimmy said as he wrapped his hands around Hazel's waist and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Come on!" I said as I started walking toward the car. I couldn't really explain myself. It was like I was both excited and devastated to see Sean after all this time.

* * *

**A/N:** I was in the Degrassi forums at and I found out that so many people there had read my stories and I even got a thread based on it (it was really someone saying it was a parody, but...). I am so happy because I never knew it had so much publicity! I am so thankful for everyone that takes time to read and review. Thank you so much! 


	13. Healing a Broken Heart

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 13:** Healing A Broken Heart

* * *

Only a couple of miles away from Sean's house and we didn't even have to stop for gas. The ride was smooth sailing, especially considering Jimmy let me drive. I've only been here once and I remember every turn as if it were my hometown. At this pace I'll be pulling up in Sean's driveway in about 3 minutes, tops.

"How is Sean anyway? What's new with him?" Hazel asked as she rose up from the back seat, looking around in wonder as if she appeared in the middle of a circus ring.

"I'll be sure to ask him whenever I talk to him."

"So you're really going to do this?" Jimmy asked looking over at me.

"Yeah. I don't expect it to be easy but in the long run, it'll hurt even worst to just let it go."

As I finished the sentence, the car pulled up in the empty driveway. My heart started pounding. I licked my dried lips and sat in the car as still as a statue; part of me even wishes he wasn't here. I couldn't make myself move in any way. I'm surprised I'm still breathing. I felt my hand move toward the handle and eventually the car door swung open. Unfortunately, my body responded too quickly and I ran of in the opposite direction of his house.

I found a freshly painted bench a couple of blocks off his street. I didn't know sitting there was going to do but I did it anyway, just as I came here. I clapped my hands together in prayer position and put both of my legs and my head in between legs. I could see or hear nothing, I spent most of the time questioning myself.

"You having doubts?" A voice asked as it sounded real close near by.

I looked up and saw Jimmy looking down on me with a smirk.

"What's so funny?"

"You! We traveled all the way to Wasaga Beach and when you're a footstep away from putting needed closure in your life, then you have to wonder what's wrong with you." Jimmy said as he kept a healthy smirk on his face.

"I just don't know anymore. Sean is the man who broke my heart last year, what can I possible tell him that can be so important to me and him. I'm not sure of anything I want anymore."

"You're not sure of me?" Jimmy asked looking down on me with his mesmerizing eyes.

"... Yes. I love you." I just..."

"Don't worry about it, Ellie." Jimmy told me.

Jimmy moved in closer to me and gave me a soft kiss. I kissed him back and laid my head down on his shoulder. My eyes were never closed and my sight was just as good as ever, but if he was to ask me what I was looking at, I wouldn't be able to answer him. My mind was blank at the moment. For once in my life I didn't spend time thinking about how things would be if... I knew I was with Jimmy and I knew it felt good. That's all I needed to know.

"Let's stay right here for a little bit longer." I told Jimmy as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Alright." He answered as stroked my hair.

Time was never what I wanted. Before I knew it me and Jimmy were like this for 5 minutes or maybe even more. I still had his car parked in their driveway and Hazel was probably still in it. I guess that I had to do it now. Time never pauses for anything or anyone; I already cheated time by spending this time with Jimmy. Eventually I'll have to face him.

"We have to go now." I said to Jimmy as I let go of him and rose my head from his shoulder.

"I wish we didn't."

"I know the feeling." As I finished the sentence then Hazel rolled up in Jimmy's car.

"I went to ask for Sean but their mom said he went to the beach. You coming or what?" Hazel seemed very excited but looking at Jimmy's face, it was very worried about me.

The beach was just a I remembered. Tyler was even over at the stand. I could just break down once I made it to the beach. I looked around and didn't spot Sean too quickly. A lot of people were in the water. I decided I'll wait for him to get out or notice so I sat near the water and waited. Looking around Hazel and Jimmy were all joyful. I was finally on my own to deal.

"Ellie?" A voice said from behind me.

I turned around and saw a soaked and shirtless Sean standing behind me. He let his hear grow out and got a much more developed body. He was a typical surfer boy from his looks.

"What are you doing here?" Sean asked looking at me with shock, sadness, and happiness at the same time.

I couldn't began to describe my feelings at that time. One part of me was ready to jump up and hug him and the other part of me wanted to run away while leaving him in some physical and mental pain. I ran my hands through the sand and looked him in the face. He stood their as emotionless as he's always been and I tried to stay the same, but I couldn't. I threw my arms around him and waited for him to return the favor. He didn't.

"I came... to talk to you."

* * *

**A/N:** I am sooooooo sorry it took so long to get this up. I just moved to a small town in Louisiana and we didn't get internet until a couple of hours ago and I wrote this as quick as possible and promise to write another chapter as soon as possible. I'm sorry. 


	14. A Broken Heart Remains the Same

**Title: **Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 14: **A Broken Heart Remains the Same

* * *

I'm standing here, looking him right in the eye. I didn't know what to say or even explain why I'm here. There's so much that happened since Sean left and so little that he knows. I asked myself why I came here. I thought I came for closure but the longer I stood looking Sean in his face, the more I realized how eager I was to blurt out how miserable I am. All because he left me. 

"I... I... I don't know what to say." I couldn't get anything to come out of my mouth.

Sean looked confused while I kept looking at him. I just felt like he needed to know. I regretted saying all this before my mouth even open. By the time the day is over, will he know? Will he know that I became a prostitute? Will he know that my grades are so bad I can't even get on student welfare? Will he know that my mom is even more a drunk than ever before and I hardly see her anymore? Will he know that I love Jimmy?

I looked down to the sand and noticed Sean's hand coming closer to mine. I don't even think that was his intention but I found myself begging for him to make contact with it. Sean was completely over me. He didn't expect to see or hear from me anymore after he left me. Despite how much pain I was going through, I wanted Sean to be going through the same thing. I'm so lost. I picked my head back up and looked Sean in the face. He sat down in the sand and I sat right next to him.

"Do you?" I asked Sean, as if he was reading my thoughts.

"Do I...?" He looked at me, but this time he didn't look confused. He knew what I was thinking all along but too afraid to answer.

"Do you... still care about me?" I can feel my throat closing as I ended the sentence. It was like he already told me no.

"Ellie, I—"

"I think I already know the answer. 'I'll always care for you in some way, but, dot dot dot.'"

"No. That's not it."

"Then what is it because for the 2 minutes I've been here with you and the whole year you haven't called me, you made your answer pretty obvious."

He looked me in my eyes and I noticed his hands moving closer to mine once again. I tried to let it go without giving it much thought but I couldn't. I just wished that Sean was here to comfort me one more time. The heat in my hand began to rise and as I looked down I noticed Sean's hand holding mines.

"Look at it. The glass on my neck."

Sean wore a string with a glass connected through it. I moved in closer through the tiny glass was grain of rice. The grain of rice had writing on it. The writing turned out to say 'Ellie'.

"I... I'm..."

"I've always loved you Ellie, and I never stopped." Sean eyes began to water. "I think about you every second of my life and dream about you every night of my life."

I was lost for words. I was even more lost for words now then I was before.

"If you felt this way, why haven't you ever called me or anything."

"What was I going to say Ellie?" Sean voice rose high. "I'm so sorry I left you there because I had to run away from my shook past! Don't you think that just hearing your voice would've made matters worst?"

"Not calling made things better?"

"I tried to get over you. I tried to forget the girl I loved. I was _miserable_ since I left."

I can't believe myself. This is exactly what I wanted. Sean doesn't know anything that happened since he left and he's still miserable. Now that I got to hear him say those words I regret it. I don't know how it was going to satisfy me but it didn't make anything better.

"I can try to forget you, Ellie, but I won't. The part of my heart that holds you in it will always be broken, but it'll never be forgotten..."

"It's not a bad thing. Trying to forget me. If forgetting me means to take away the pain, then I can strongly relate. Trying is one step closer to healing it. Another love is the other step."

"You... found someone?"

"I found him, but I don't have him yet. What about you?"

It came out of my mouth as if I was having a conversation with a regular friend. I could lie and say that it almost felt that way, but it didn't. I still haven't forgot how much I love Sean and I still haven't forgot what he just told me. I don't expect us to get over each other after one heartfelt conversation, but I was one step further from Sean and one step closer to Jimmy.

"I... I guess I have someone else. It's not official or anything but I was just waiting for the right time. Just like you."

"You... Love her?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Then it can't be like me." I tried my hardest to make it sound sincere but it came out as if my intentions were to hurt Sean's feelings.

"Who do you love?"

"Sean Cameron in the hizz-house!" Jimmy came walking a couple of feet behind our back, Hazel right beside him.

"Jimmy? Hazel? What is this? Everyone came here to see me?" Sean looked shocked. We both stood from our seating positions and walked toward Jimmy and Hazel.

"No. We came here with Ellie." Jimmy replied.

"Can't resist a beach get-a-way." Hazel added.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed your time because we were just saying our good-byes. Right, Sean."

"Right. It was good seeing you guys again. Come at anytime." Sean took to the plan right away, as if he was about to say the same thing.

I walked ahead Sean, Jimmy, and Hazel to the car. I didn't want to interrupt the little time they have to catch up with each other. As I turned around and looked at both Sean and Jimmy, I realized how much I loved both of them. Even after Sean broke my heart and left me in thunderstorm, I still love him. I didn't have to stop loving Sean so I can love Jimmy, and that's what I was doing. I might not have Sean in my life anymore but at least I'm with someone who I love just as much if not more.

We were at the car and I stood against the window and waited for Jimmy and Hazel to walk away from him, so I can give him a proper good-bye. Jimmy and Hazel finally began walking toward the car with smiles on their faces. As they walked back I leaned off the car and walked toward Sean, who stood there looking at me.

"So..." He said as he kicked dirt.

"So... I guess this is good-bye."

"I guess so. Good-bye, Ellie."

"Good-bye, Sean." I turned around and began walking toward the car. The engine started and I was only a couple of feet away.

"Wait!" Sean shouted behind my back.

As soon as I turned around Sean was hugging me. Returning the hug that I forced on him earlier. I felt comfort through his hug, but I didn't hug him back. After he hugged me he placed both of his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Good-bye, Ellie Nash." He gave me a soft kiss on the lips. "And good luck with Jimmy."

I smiled at him. I couldn't do nothing more. Knowing he read right through me was not a shock at all. I just smiled and walked off to the car. He stood there looking at me. I sat in the back of the car seat, looking through the window as if a massive car crash just happened before my eyes. The car quickly drove off and the last sight I got to see of Sean was a small tear rolling down his eye.

* * *

**A/N:** Another chapter done in a short amount of time. I am really trying to make up for taking soooo long. Anyway, this isn't the last chapter, even though it may seem like it to some people. We still have a lot of more holes to close and do you seriously think I'll let them go that easy? No indeed! R&R please! 


	15. Here I Am

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 15:** Here I am...

* * *

I was laying down in a uncomfortable bed, looking through the darkness at a red lit clock on a dresser. I found myself begging to fall asleep before the clock hit 1:00 A.M. And later found myself watching the clock hit to 2:00 A.M. I'm empty minded and scared. I felt warmth run against my stomach and felt hit air breathing through my hair to the back of my neck. I tried to pretend I didn't feel it and I didn't know what it was... or who.

It's been a month since I visited Sean and found closure in my life. So much can happen in one day but so little can happen in a month. It feels like just yesterday I was with Jimmy, sleeping over by his house, and a year ago when I visited Sean. I moved my head around and around the pillow, trying to find a spot that wasn't soaked in my tears. I turned around in the darkened room and found myself looking him in the face. I tried to see Jimmy as hard as I could but the only person I could see was the guy who I am with... Spinner.

I thought I was so close to holding Jimmy in my arms but Sean really wasn't the only thing holding me back from Jimmy. My life was the other thing. I tried to get closer to Jimmy but still take things slow, but then bills and everything come in the way and I struggled not to have sex with anyone. I wanted to tell him that I'm broke and I'm a prostitute. I wanted to let him know how much I was struggling but I couldn't get anything but a smile whenever I came around him.

The pillow was still soaked. The clock was now hitting 3:00 A.M. And I still found myself thinking about my position. Asking myself why a month came by and Jimmy isn't the one with his arms wrapped around my waist. I pretended the entire that he was Jimmy. I was tired of pretending. I took Spinner's hand and took it off my waist. He didn't move. I crawled out of the bed and searched the dark room for my clothes.

As I dressed I had flashbacks of dressing in Jimmy's room. I looked at the bed and still didn't see Jimmy. Spinner started moving around in the bed and murmuring in his sleep, almost as if he lost something important. I was surprised I stayed in the bed this long, my trademark move is to leave as the person sleeps or even walk out as he cleans himself. It's heartbreaking to get kicked out of someone's house, even when you don't know the person.

I crawled out of Spinner's window. I was lost for a while. I looked to my left and my right and realized that I was close to Jimmy's house. I didn't know what I was thinking but my feet walked toward his direction. What was I going to do? What was I going to say? It's 3:30 in the morning and here I am, walking toward Jimmy's house after my 2nd one night stand with Spinner. I told myself that I tried to turn away but I didn't even give it any effort.

I was in front of Jimmy's door. His parent's car wasn't in the driveway so I guess I could just go in. I locked on the door and no one answered. I figured he was still sleep. I searched under the welcome rug and found no key. I search in the porch light and found nothing. Where could it be?I know they have one. I tried to open the door one more time and it didn't open. I searched outside in the garden and found a key in a garden patch.

I slid it in the door and it opened. I could almost jump in joy but I didn't. I rushed right into Jimmy's room. All I could think of from there was the future. I wasn't sure if I was going to move in with someone who can have me or find myself a job to pay my bills, but the only person that has been on my mind has been Jimmy. I couldn't express the joy of finally being with the person that I longed for. I opened the door and looked around the room with enlarged eyes. It was empty.

I turned around and looked through the dark hallway and the dark rooms and screamed Jimmy's name. I knew he wasn't in there but I just hoped that calling his name would make him appear. Please tell me I got the wrong house. The wrong identical house. Tell me I didn't come in hear with my heart on my shoulder and how it ripped out once again.

I laid down on Jimmy's bed and took the pillow. I embraced it closely and wrapped my legs and body around it. I looked around the room like a lost puppy, hoping Jimmy was playing a cruel trick. He wasn't. Now here I am...

* * *

**A/N: **I'm not sure I like this chapter so much. Sorry it took just a while. It was Mardi Gras weekend and then 1st day back to school, they tried to keep my busy as hell, but I came out already. Anyway, I want to thank you all so much for reading and please review. Thanks! 


	16. One Night With You

**Title: **Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 16:** One Night With You

* * *

I looked around the room with a small face of horror. I wasn't scared because I was alone, but I was scared because I wasn't with him. I left Spinner's house in the middle of the night and walked all the way here so I can be with Jimmy. Who was I kidding? It's been a month since I went to Sean to get closure and I still haven't got any closer to Jimmy than we have been. I'll like to pretend that something happened within the month that brought us much closer but nothing did, at all.

What was going to happen anyway? We would've started dating and I'll have to quit prostituting. I already tried to quit. I applied for job after job but I can't get any. I would've been forced out of my home and lived homeless. Where would I have gone? I hardly hear from my mom now and I refuse to speak to her until she stops drinking. I like the idea of moving in with Jimmy but his parents wouldn't be for it at all. Maybe this was best. Maybe not being with Jimmy is the solution.

I heard a cracking noise coming from the front room. I just knew it had to be Jimmy's parents. I stopped breathing for a moment. I was as frozen as a Popsicle, as if someone was going to save me any moment. I heard the steps get closer as the lights outside the room brightened. I rolled over and fell on the other side of the bed, hoping they wouldn't come in the room. The lights in Jimmy's room came on and I seen underneath the bed that shoes were walking toward me. Suddenly, the shoes fell on the bed and the person made a loud groan.

"Ellie..." The voice whispered slowly, as if it was calling me. "Ellie..." He said again, only a bit louder.

At first the voice sounded like a evil spirit trying to seduce me but as my heart stop pounding, I realized that the voice sounded a lot more like Jimmy. I picked my heart up and saw Jimmy laying on his bed with his eyes closed. He seemed to be sleep but he haven't even laid on the bed long enough. As I moved closer to him without making any sound, his eyes winced. I picked up my head and I placed it on his face, gently. I thought his reaction would've been something frightening but he opened his eyes calmly, as if he knew it was me all along.

"How long have you been here?" He asked me seconds after his eyes opened.

"A couple of minutes, I guess."

"Why did you come?"

"I haven't decided, yet." I crawled into the bed, next to him."How did you know it was me."

"I didn't, I just wished it were you." He ran his fingers through my hair and looked me in my eyes. "Why were you crying?"

"It's the middle of the night. I come by your house and you're gone. Where did you go?"

"To Hazel's house."

"Oh..." I tried not to sound depressed but I couldn't help it. It hurt me when he was with Hazel this time. "I... yeah... so you... settled... or whatever."

"No. I went to Hazel to tell her that it's officially over."

"You... what?"

"I told her that I fell in love with someone else." Jimmy moved in close to me. "And that I had to be with her."

I didn't know whether to be happy or scared. I wanted to come upfront and tell Jimmy that I decided going with him would make things worst because of my secrets. I wished that I had enough strength to give us some distance, but I didn't. Jimmy moved in for a kiss and I kissed him back. I stood up from the bed and began walking to the door. Before I could get close I turned around.

"Jimmy... I..." My heart started pounding. Water began running down my eyes. "I... I love you."

Jimmy walked toward me and hugged me for the moment. His warm body was help up against mine as we stood in the middle of the room. I felt my breath reflecting off his chest. His hands ran down my spine and unbuckled my bra. He kissed me all over my neck. The moisture of his lips felt like warm ice that wouldn't drip down my body. My heart was calm for the first time before I ever had sex. I felt comfortable with him.

He raised the shirt off my body and watched me naked in front of him. He moved in for another kiss. An unbreakable kiss. He pushed me down to the bed, his body still closely attached to mines. His clothes began to come off his body as did mines.

"I love you, Ellie."

I squeezed my hands against his bare back as he laid on me. I felt a need to just squeeze him, never let go. I loved him so much and I was so happy to be with him. I know I am in a troubled time in my life but I just can't help it. I wanted to be with Jimmy... and now, I finally am.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry this chapter took so long to upload. I was really busy this week and I only had opportunities to add by slowly, hoping I can get it out before the week was over. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me and review. 


	17. So Long Ago, Yet So Close

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 17:** So Long Ago, Yet So Close

* * *

Here's a funny thought for me to look back on. Just 7 weeks ago, I was crying under my current boyfriend's roof and just yesterday I was sitting in class scribbling his name in my notebook like I'm 5 years old again. Over the time I officially called Jimmy mines, I haven't had done any prostitution. My house just got put up for a 4 week notice and my refrigerator is as empty as my heart once was. I applied for job after job and they would even think to give me a callback. This is why I originally started to do the horrible things I did.

A lot can change in so little time. Jimmy turned me to a better person. Before him, I was completely miserable. All I can think about was Sean and how he left me in a constant fight of survival and happiness. Now I'm only a month away from going homeless and I can't help but smile. With or without Jimmy in my arms, I'm still happy... I'm still me, only different.

Hazel had become my best friend since then. She doesn't know about what happened either but I spent more time at her house last weekend than I did at Jimmy's. We've become a threesome, except, I'm the one receiving the kisses this time around. Occasionally, we'll become a foursome whenever Paige is around, which I don't mind half as much as I used to.

As I started to strap on my bra, I looked behind me and smiled at Jimmy. Everything is so... _perfect_ with him. Believe me, I am the last person to use that term loosely. I just can't explain it right but Jimmy makes my heart float. I spent almost every waking moment with him or talking about him and if I'm not, then I'm waiting for someone else to bring him up. And for the first time in a long time, I can say that Sean is truly a piece of the past. I hardly even react to his name now.

Standing in front of Jimmy with nothing on but my bra and underwear, I felt protected. He was lying down on the bed. The first time I looked behind me he was wide awake and smiling right back at me but the second time his eyes were hardly open. I let out a laugh and walked over. I sat right beside him and rubbed his bare back a little. He gave me a puppy dog look as if he didn't want to sleep, but I just shook my head and smiled at him.

The real reason he was afraid to sleep was because he knew I was going to leave once that happened. I became an expert over the summer when it comes to leaving a sleeping playmate. Except, this time around I with a empty hand and smiling face. His eyes finally gave in and closed. I took in a deep breath, gave him a kiss on his cheek, and walked out the house. It was the because relief in the world to do this without leaving a trail of tears behind me.

The truth will set you free. I know that eventually I'll have to tell Jimmy what I used to do or he'll find out one way or another. Just thinking about makes my heart skip twice, but a part of me knows for a fact that Jimmy would except it. He'll be pissed for a couple of minutes, but he's not the type of person to hold anything against. He never said anything when I told him I was still in love with Sean. If someone can comfort you in that situation, then he can get over how desperate I once was in the past. Then it's decided that tomorrow is the day I let Jimmy in on my secret and hop Jimmy accepts me for who I am... or who I was.

**A/N:** I took SO long to upload this new chapter. God, I'm really sorry but I really wasn't motivated until elanvigor from said something really inspirational to me and I just knew I had to finish this. This is my masterpiece. I'm going to try a lot harder to continue it.


	18. One More Kiss to Perfection

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 18:** One More Kiss to Perfection

* * *

The light shined through the window as I looked down on Ellie and panted heavily. She took a deep breath and gripped my biceps and continued breathing. As she felt my final release she hugged tightly and kissed me on my neck after my beating heart became steady. I rolled over covered in nothing but sweat. As my head rested on the pillow, I fiddled my fingers in Ellie's hair, who sat on my stomach and looked at me with the brightest smile I have ever seen.

The minute we stood there staring at each other went by like a shattered second and next thing I knew, Ellie was looking around my bedroom floor for her bra. It was something about her that just kept me looking at her. My body just melts into mud whenever she smiles at me. As she snapped on her bra, she turned around and looked at me with the same smile I was waiting for. God, that smile never grows old.

My eyes began to weaken. At first I thought I was linking but every blink began to last a little longer than the last one. Suddenly, Ellie's bitter cold hands rubbed against my bare back. She usually does this when she's ready to walk home. I can see the sunlight getting dimmer through my shut eyes. Regardless, I wanted her to stay. I looked up at her, trying my best to refrain from begging. She shook her head a little continued to rub my back. I couldn't blame her, so I just closed my eyes started to sleep. The last thing I can recall was her soft red lips against my cheek. I felt asleep before she could even finish it.

As morning arose, I quickly got dressed for school. This morning felt different than my usual mornings. Although it wasn't everyday, I got accustomed to waking up in the scent of Ellie's hair. Sometimes I feel like a lovesick puppy the way I talked about Ellie all day. At first, it bothered me, but now, I don't care. I would take another bullet for her.

I showed up at school and Ellie or Hazel wasn't there yet. I sat on the front steps waiting for her and Paige came over.

"Hey hon." Paige said, flipping her hair and sitting next to me.

"Hey Paige."

"Where's Hazel and uhh... the thing?"

"The thing... Is that supposed to be my girlfriend you're talking about?" That was pretty funny but I tried not to laugh.

"Speaking of girlfriends, don't you ever think of getting back with Hazel." Paige said as she gave me eye contact.

"Nah. Hazel is one of my best friends, but she's not the one I love... anymore." I replied, hoping it didn't come out negative.

"I'm glad. You and Hazel were always cute but you and Ellie-"

"Wow, you called her by her name!" I joked.

"Well, it's completely justified, sweety. Ellie isn't exactly a cute name." Paige said, looking away.

"Come on. Just admit it, you know you like her."

"I never said that and I'll deny it till death." Paige said in a even tone. "Well, the hallways of Degrassi is calling my name. Talk to ya later." She gave me a pat on my shoulder and walked into the building.

It wasn't long after Paige left that Ellie began walking toward me, laughing with Hazel walking beside her. There's no way in the world she isn't one of the most beautiful woman alive. The sun always found the right way to rub her cheeks and her glistening smile had to be her best feature. Every step she took was another heartbeat running down to my toes.

"Hey Jimmy." Hazel said before Ellie's lips made a wet connection with mine. I waved her off and rested the same hand on Ellie's hair afterwards. "Get a room." Hazel said in laughter as she walked off into the school.

"Come here, I got something I want to show you." I told her after breaking the kiss and grabbing her by the hand. I took her inside the building and into the art classroom. There were a lot of drawings around that felt so superior to what I drew, but it was still perfect to me. I took a paint stained cloth off of one drawing, revealing a almost exact replica of Ellie. "I just need to finish the coloring a little bit."

Ellie's smile of pure radiance never failed to make my heart skip a beat and this was anything but an exception. She grabbed me by the face with both of her hands, gave me a deep passionate kiss, and then examined the drawing.

"I was a little afraid to show it to you. I felt a little corny." I said with flushing cheeks through my caramel skin.

"No. It's perfect! I love it, Jimmy. I _love_ you. You have no idea how much I love you." She replied, followed by a tight hug and grip upon my wrist."You're so..." She took a deep breath and obviously tried to refrain from crying. "Perfect."

"You're perfect as well. You're so perfect." I tucked her hair behind her ears and went in for a kiss. "I love you, Ellie." I muttered before kissing the very face of perfection.


	19. Blue Skies Fade to Gray

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 19: **Blues Skies Fade to Gray

* * *

The entire day I spent in school was entirely vague when Ellie wasn't in my sight. I've become obsessed with her. Not in the obsession of where I fantasize about killer her and sitting in a tree with binoculars. More along the lines of a _Can't eat, can't sleep _puppy dog obsession. Comparing my relationship with Ellie as puppy dog love made me sick to the stomach. I really and truly love her.

During lunch, I sat with Paige and Hazel for a couple of minutes before Ellie came. She kind of forced me to bring her into art class to look at the painting again. I didn't really want to but I could say no to Ellie. I could never say _no_ to her. It wasn't horrible at all, she gave me a big kiss and rested her head on my shoulder as she stood there staring at the picture.

In the risk of sounding like a dog, I'm having doubts of thinking this to myself, but I just love making love to Ellie. The way she holds me in the end and sometimes lay a soft kiss on my neck and fall back onto the bed with her porcelain neck glistening in the sun. It feels routine sometimes but I love every minute of it. As I laid on my back, I stroked her hair as she rested on my bare chest listening to my heartbeat.

"Jimmy..." She said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" I answered with shut eyes.

"If I had the most important thing in the world to tell you and it was the worst thing in the world, would you listen?" She asked me. Her timid voice slowed my heart rate down by a mile and a half.

"I would listen to anything you had to tell me, Ellie." I told her, continuing to stroke her read hair.

She stood up from the bed and covered herself so innocently with her are hands. She bit her lips and gulped. My heart suddenly stopped because I could already hear her voice telling me she doesn't love me. At that moment I was praying to got that someone come and rescue me from the moment.

"I... I... Well, you see... A couple of months ago I was-" Ellie muttered, hardly speaking loudly and tried to keep a straight face without tearing up.

Ellie jumped at the sound of the doorbell and rushed to get some clothes. I found my clothes a little quicker than hers and ran to the door. It was Craig. Suddenly I remembered we had band practice about a hour ago but I pretended I didn't remember.

"What happened? We started band practice about a hour ago." Craig said, looking past me as if he knew I made love with Ellie.

"Oh man, I totally forgot! Me and Ellie were in the back watching television." That had to be the lamest excuse. "I don't know if I can make it tod-"

A familiar voice stopped me from behind. "Don't worry about it. See you tomorrow." She said as she kissed me on the lips and waved off Craig before leaving out the house.

"I think someone is really getting serious with her.." Craig said in laughter.

I nodded my head leaned against the door. "I do love her."

Craig winced at me and then denied to give me any eye contact. "So you dumped _Hazel_ for _her_?"

"What the hell, Craig? You make it sound like Ellie's a bad person."

Craig gave me a real concerned look. "You don't know do you?"

"About you and Ellie. Yeah, she told me about that. She tells me everything, Craig. Don't worry about it."

"No.. Not exactly. I don't know how to say it but..." Craig paused in his tracks.

"But what Craig. I love her, I can handle it." I said, knowing that my heart was crushing at the thought of many things he can say.

"She is... or was... a..." He took a really deep breath.

My heart shattered to the ground when he finished the sentence and I felt as little and pathetic as a little bug. Ellie having sex, I can deal with, but being paid to do it... I just didn't understand it. I felt like everything in my stomach rose back up in my throat and I spent the remaining of the night trying to breathe. I couldn't get a wink of sleep. My pillow was wet of tears and so was Jimmy's shoulder, which I cried on like a broken hearted female. Embarrassment was the furthest thing from my mind in the moment.

The morning came up sooner than I expected and I knew Ellie was going to meet me this morning. I haven't done much of anything. I didn't shower last night or change my clothes. I mostly spent some time singing the same old depressing song in my head. I didn't know any lyric or anything about the song, it just appear there.

I heard a knocking on the door but I didn't answer it. I heard it again but I stood in my room, watching the swirling ceiling. Then I heard it creaking and footsteps found a way into my room. From the corner of my eye, Ellie was there in my doorway. I couldn't explain her facial expression from that angle but I knew it wasn't good.

"Jimmy. I was so worried..." She said walking closer toward me. "Why didn't you answer the door?"

"I don't know. I was sitting here wondering how much I owe you." I said to her, refusing to turn to her.

Ellie let out a playful scoff and starting walking closer to me. "What are you talking about Jimmy?"

"So is that how it is?" I told her in a louder tone. "You forgot that you're a prostitute!" I shouted at her as I threw my fist toward the end of the bed.

"Jimmy. You don't know what you're talking about!" She pleaded. Scared to take another step.

"I think I know a slut when I see one!" I can't believe I just said that. Why the hell am I still laying down. Why Can't I jump up and apologize on my knees and then give her a kiss and forget everything? Why?

Her deep breath were really broken apart. "Jimmy..." She said as she dared to take another step.

"Get the fuck outta my house, Nash." I shouted, not even letting her get a step closer. What am I doing? Was what she did that bad? In the time it took me to say _why_ in my head, she was already gone out the door, leaving behind a trail of tears. By the time I found enough pride in myself to chase he, the hour had already passed. She could've been to school for all I've known, but I wasn't going. Not like this. "Ellie..."

**A/N:** This is going to be my last chapter in Jimmy's POV. I got at least 3 chapters in my head that I might cut to 2. I'm not sure but this is really almost over. Aww, it's gonna be sad but it's better than having another half year hiatus.


	20. Beat of my Living Heart

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 20:** The Beat of my Living Heart

* * *

"You're the beating of my heart when I'm living..." I was thinking out loud while looking into an unfamiliar ceiling.

I ran my fingers across the sheets of the bed and closed my eyes. This wasn't the first time I saw his face against complete darkness and it won't be the last. I can feel my eyes finding a way into the back of my skull as my grip became tighter on the soft fabric. The sunlight that carried so many memories of my intimacy with Brooks.

My teeth began to peel through a layer of skin on my lips and began to flow in a mist of melancholy. The taste of blood was never my favorite but this time around it didn't bothered me. I swallowed every drop of it that came from out my mouth and cried as I did it. I heard footsteps down the hall and entering the room, so I wiped away the tears and licked the inside of my mouth to make sure it was clean.

"So... how are you holding out Ellie?" A familiar voice asked from the door.

I turned to him and opened my eyes. His smile was hardly convincing and his eyes were just as sad as mines. I took in a deep breath and sat up on the bed.

"It's gonna be alright, I promise." He told me as he took a seat next to me on his bed.

I gave him an unbreakable hug and let out a couple of tears in his golden blonde hair. "It's over for good!" I told him as I let out more tears.

"Are you in love with him?" He asked me. I nodded my head on his shoulders and he let out a chuckle. At least it sounded convincing. "Then it's not over Ellie."

"How do you know."

"Because..." He broke the hug and looked me in the eye with his hands on my shoulder. "Just last year, I was saying the exact same thing about you to my dad."

"Sean..." I had no idea what to say. I looked down to the bed and hid my face underneath my hair. "I ran away. I never told him or anyone else where I went and I doubt that he'll ever think that I ran away to your house. I'm a coward and a... slut." My voice nearly choked as I let out the last word but I shrugged it off and continued to look down with my hair in my face.

"We were all pathetic at one point Ellie. If Jimmy loves you, he wouldn't care."

"Well obviously he does. I mean, I been staying here for almost a week now and I haven't gotten a e-mail from him or anything." I didn't feel so ashamed anymore. I picked my head up and tucked most of my hair behind my ears.

"Ellie... you know what you did was during your most desperate time of life. If anything, it's all my fault you did what you did..." His voice became lower and he put his head down in shame. "I'm so sorry, Ellie. I messed up and I ruined the only good thing that happened to you since I left."

"I forgive you, Sean." I told him as I picked his head up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He shook his head and smiled at me.

Sean left the room and I stood there as if I was waiting for him to bring me something. It would've been completely random but the last look he gave me made me feel so warm. I haven't felt so warm since Jimmy. He turned from the corner minutes afterwards and motioned for me to follow. Without taking a second to think about it, I followed him to the door and as it opened, Jimmy looked up at my face with a uncertain smile.

"Nash..." He said in a slightly exciting voice.

Without a word or thought, I wrapped my arms around him and held him like he was brought back from the dead.

Sean came from behind me in the door. "Jimmy called about 4 hours ago asking about you. I wasn't sure if I should tell him or not but I did anyway. I hope you're not upset."

"Thank you Sean." I told him as I continued to hug Jimmy.

"I... I'm... sorry." Jimmy said as he looked down on me.

I was expecting him to say another mean thing to me but I didn't care. If this was going to be the last time I ever see Jimmy, I wanted to take him in for one last time.

"I guess I'm really not that perfect." He told me as he brushed my cheek.

"I'm not either. And I'm sorry." At the moment I looked up at Jimmy, I noticed both Hazel and Paige were in the car with him. It was hard to recognize them through the dark but not impossible.

"I love you, Jimmy."

"I love you too Jimmy. I love you so much."

Jimmy broke the hug and then kneeled down on one knee. He took my hand and kissed it. "I love you Ellie, and I want you to spend forever with me." I blushed heavily underneath my deep layers of hair that fell down to my cheeks. "Marry me." He said without any hint of a joke in his voice.

I took in two deep breaths when my jaw dropped. I wanted to turn around and see what Sean's expression looked like but I couldn't help but look at Jimmy.

"Marry me." He repeated.

"I... Jimmy... we're so young."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then _marry_ me. Wake up next to me with a ring on your finger. Let's do that every night." Jimmy said, almost pleading.

"You're parents and my mother... This could be a mistake."

"We've made mistakes before Ellie. We're always going to make mistakes. But if you say yes, then we'll make them together. _Forever._" Jimmy said as he shook my head and pleaded some more.

I can hear Sean whispering in my hair to say yes and I know Paige and Hazel are thinking just the same.

"Say yes Ellie. Love me forever by saying _yes_."

* * *

**A/N:** Not one of the healthiest cliffhangers to leave someone on. Well, after this, I only have one chapter left to go and then I'm finished. :( 


	21. Perfection Lies Ahead

**Title:** Selling My Body, Selling My Heart

**Chapter 21:** Perfection Lies Ahead

* * *

So here we are... Me, Jimmy, Hazel, Paige, and Sean were all in the car and driving off somewhere to get married. Where? I don't know. I know we're getting eloped, but when it comes to details, I'd rather not know. Despite Jimmy being the love of my life and rich, I was scared to a bloody death. In just a couple of minutes, James Tyler Brooks is going to be my _husband_. Admittingly, the word husband just rolled of my tongue, despite the high sense of fear I'm experiencing.

"So you guys are really going to get eloped?" Sean poked his head to the front of the car and looked to the left at Jimmy. "For real?"

Jimmy looked over at me and smiled. "Yes." He said, almost mimicking me of answering his proposal half and hour ago.

"Mrs. Jimmy Brooks." Hazel sung in the back of the car.

"Mrs. Ellie Brooks." Paige followed, singing in the same tune as Hazel.

"I love you, Elanor Brooks." Jimmy said, grabbing my hand and kissing it softly.

Maybe being a wife isn't as horrible as it sounds the first time in your head. Yeah, I can imagine waking up to Jimmy everyday. I mean, I don't exactly see us living in a big pink brick house with little children running in our backyard and a little house dog named Scruffy, but I can see _us._ It won't be perfect, but it never really is. At the final moment of deciding I was going to marry Jimmy, we drove into the driveway of a lumber house near a beach.

"Yeah, this is it, right here." Sean said, confirming the location after a quick peek at the sheet at hand.

Jimmy looked over at me. I was looking in his face for the smallest hint of fear but I couldn't find any. He smiled and laid his palm out for me. I placed my palm on his and forced a smile on my face. Afterwards, I stepped out and walked toward the door. Before I can answer, an old couple opened the door and smiled.

Sean, Hazel, and Paige followed behind the both of us and sat in one of the rows of chairs that were lined up. I already decided to marry Jimmy, but a part of me was still scared. Suddenly, I see Paige sitting down with tender eyes looking at mines. For a moment I could swear she called me over but her mouth didn't move. I walked over to her in a moment's notice and sat next to her.

"Paige..." I spoke as if I was ready to ask a question.

"You're scared, aren't you hun?" Paige placed her hands on my knees. "Don't worry about the fear. Weddings are hard enough already, much less, eloping." She spoke as if she had already been married. "If you love him and you know he loves you back, then you're gonna survive."

I let out a deep sigh and gave Paige a soft hug. Looking in her face, I can tell she was forcing a disfigured face so she wouldn't admit she liked me. I cleared my throat and walked off. I could practically hear the corners of her mouth curl up.

Before I could breath in enough oxygen, Jimmy signed the papers and now we were standing before a colored glass and the elder man holding a bible in front his hands. Jimmy stood in front of me with a smile on his face. I looked over to the seat and Hazel, Sean, and Paige were all smiling greatly as they looked across the room at us.

"Jimmy... I'm... not so sure anymore."

Jimmy looked over at the elder man for a second and nodded. "Ellie... if you don't want to, you don't have to."

"It's not that. I do, I really do. It's just... I always pictured everything so... perfect. I know this sounds weird coming from me, but I always wanted the perfect white wedding." I could feel my heart pounding against my breast. During sentences, I could swear the ground made a shake and the room heard the sounds of my thrusting organ.

"Then let's wait... Let's have the perfect wedding." Jimmy said, grabbing my hands and looking down on me.

"But that's just it. It won't ever be perfect. Life isn't perfect. I'm not perfect-"

"I'm not perfect either Ellie. I try so hard to be the perfect guy but it always turns out the opposite at moments. We all got flaws. Even in marriage. I'm willing to take the risk of a young marriage because I love you, and I'm willing to turn around, because I love you."

"I love you too Jimmy." I wiped away a numb tear that caressed my cheek. I looked around the room and realized that everyone that meant something to me was here. The 4 people in my life who cares are sitting here. Maybe you don't always need the jumping dolphins and white rice to make a wedding perfect. All you need is someone who loves you and everyone else. Whether it be the guy who broke your heart and left you without a dime, the girl who helped you during the time your alcoholic mother caused you to cut yourself, or the girl who just broke up with the guy who can be your husband in just 2 easy words. I looked up at Jimmy and smiled.

"So what's it going to be, Nash...?" He asked me in that moment.

As the car drove off the driveway, I waved back at the elder couple and watched them shrink into tiny ants.

"I'm sorry, Ellie." He said to me as he kept his eyes on the road.

"No, Jimmy. The wedding was just as perfect, even without the white doves and roses."

"Not that. I'm sorry I'm not perfect anymore." He looked at the back of the seat where the 3 of them were all sleeping on each other.

"I'm not either, Jimmy. We take life as it comes and now, regardless of the wedding or not, we're gonna take life everyday as it comes. I'm not perfect either but when I'm with you... I'm... happy." I lied, he was still as perfect as he ever was. In that moment, I noticed that he never said I wasn't perfect.

"For some reason, I still feel guilty about the wedding. I just wish it was more of what you dreamed of. Even if it was perfect or not, it's like I ruined a part of your past that you always imagined."

"Regardless of Brooks being on the end of my name or not, the only thing I imagine is you being with me from now own. You're the peanut butter, and I'm the Jellie." I reached over and gave Jimmy what could've been the most passionate kiss we ever shared, even if his hands were on the wheel. "Even if my name wasn't Ellie Brooks today, It would've been that name someday."

And now we both drove to the future of our lives. I got the best man of my life with me, my best friends in my life with me, and sooner or later, the best ex-boyfriend of my life with me. After everything we been through today, I can just imagine what walking into the school is going to be like. I sold my body and soul to almost every guy who graced the halls of Degrassi. But I only sold my heart to Jimmy, and this time, he's not giving it back.

**THE END**

* * *

**A/N:** Where to start? I left it in a questionable form on purpose. I thought it would be a better ending if people always wondered if they got married or not. Heck, in my mind, I'm still wondering. And did anyone notice that little "Jellie" thrown in there? Anyway, it was really fun making this story and I'm glad I got to finish it. I want to thank MaibeJosie for reviewing(because all you other readers didn't!!!hmph), and if you guys liked the Elan/Sellie interaction in this, then it was inspired from MaibeJosie's very own work called "Numb", so if you liked it, please go read her work, it's awesome. Once again, thank you all for reading and reviewing and I guess this is the final good-bye. 


End file.
